I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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