There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
