May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
