He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
