But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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