Ambien. No doubt about it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
