I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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