We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
