there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
