I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The air was thick with penises
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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