I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
