That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
