according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Houston, we have a squirter
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
