Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
