dude i'm inner monologue high
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
