a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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