Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
