I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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