yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
