A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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