Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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