I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
