so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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