how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i've created a new STD.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
