He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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