my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
