happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
