i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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