they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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