Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
