if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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