well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
