What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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