like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
