You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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