I can text with my tongue
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
