cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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