We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
