Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Did I show you my penis last night?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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