I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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