I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
