Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
there's paper in my vomit.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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