im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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