I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
