Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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