When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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