I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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