Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
