holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
