Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
